It’s Hard To Read When Your Brain Wont Stop But Your Body Is Numb

There’s something so hard about reading when your brain is moving a million miles an hour but your eyes can only move 2 miles an hour. You’re stuck in this endless loop of “oh no. What did I just read?” Because somewhere between the first word of the paragraph and the last you’ve completely spaced out, sidetracked by some thought that’s managed to trickle it’s way into your mind.

And at first you think that maybe it’s the books fault because you’ve never really focused on the reasons you stop reading for longer periods of time. You crack it up to the book not moving fast enough for you. The pacing is slow or the beginning chapters don’t grab your attention. But then you’re forced to read for school and nothing, absolutely nothing, is sticking. It feels like the words are going in one ear and out the other and you’re not sure if you can even read anymore.

Whenever you start reading your eyes move excruciatingly slow across the page, the words halting in your head when you just want to speed off. It feels like how everything in your life is moving, in slow motion. But your brain wont stop just like it wont with everything else. When you try to force yourself to slow down it’s like someone’s forcing you to sit in a chair and stare at the wall when you know the person behind you is watching your favorite movie and you desperately want to turn around and see what part they’re on. Have they reached your favorite scene where the dragon and the boy learn to fly together for the first time? So you sit and wiggle and squirm until finally, finally, you fling your head around and watch, just for a second. A second that turns into a minute and then two and then an hour and then all of a sudden the movie is over and you can’t tell the person about the bug that crawled across the wall you were supposed to be starring at.

It’s like the page is the wall and you’re supposed to be watching for the bug, but your brain so desperately wants to watch the movie behind you because your eyes aren’t moving fast enough to grasp what it’s saying. The bug isn’t moving fast enough and so the wall is blank, just like the eyes on the words. And you need to fix the problem but you’re not sure how. Because before your eyes moved so quickly and the words would rush in like a tidal wave, sending your brain into a frenzy as it scrambled to piece everything together before the next wave of information came in. How do you make your eyes move faster when your body feels empty and numb and slow?

But a friend recommends you start the audiobook version, turn it up to 2x speed, and maybe read along if you space out.

The first sentence is a whirlwind of jumbled words. Your brain is taken back by the quickness of the words being hurled at you and then all of a sudden it stops and it’s like your listening to your own thoughts prance across your mind. And as you pick up the physical book you noticed that one paragraph has turned to two and all of a sudden you’ve read ten pages without having to stop and go back because, finally, the words are sticking. And your body is still moving slowly as you move about the day and you still feel numb, but at least your brain is happily moving at the speed it loves and not itching you to move faster as much as it has been.

Love you all,